“Is Mr. Clean a White Supremacist” And Other Poetic Musings

Today I’m gonna try something new,

something that’s never been done before.

I’d like to rhyme and rap a poem or two-

about the brand characters we love and deplore.

So stay with me please as I bring you to your knees

with words that sound so divine.

We’ll explore what these cartoon characters would be like if

we had met them in our own real life.

Mr._Clean_logo (1)

I’ll start with Mr. Clean, who seems nice and serene,

but something about his perfection tells me

he’s not what he seems.

He would be that roommate,that friend

with the most anal wishes

and will surely give you hell if you

don’t do all the dishes.

He likes to come off like

a cleaning product prophet,

but his tidiness makes me wonder

what bodies are in his closet.

He embodies white perfection, like engineering by Aryan scientists.

Maybe to polish off the details of

the ‘Final Solution’ Hypothesis.

So just sit right there, and explain to me

Because its hard for me to comprehend and see

Why people so willingly will buy with glee

The products of the product of the nazi regime.

As far as Mr. Clean goes, this is the end of my speech,

I hope he doesn’t club me to death with his Magic Reach.

trix rabbit

Now, what is the Trix Rabbit but a really bad junkie?

Dropped out of school because his grades were all flunking.

Spends his days getting high

and blaming the kids,

When they are just hallucinations,

they don’t even exist.

No one is stealing your food silly rabbit,

it’s all in your head.

Figments of your imagination, considering your

brains going dead.

His friends try to help him, try to make

his troubled soul calm.

But he can’t stop getting high off that

leprechaun’s Lucky Charms.


Tony the Tiger, solicits saliva,

from the watering mouths of the children

whose parents are buyers.

Understand Tony, his history isn’t trivial

In high school, Tony was the guy whose popularity was empirial,

but soon he realized the world thought his “coolness” was immaterial,

so being broke and homeless, his thoughts turned serial,

His dark life was considered anything but memorial

then he found a job that pays the bills getting kids

 to eat cereal.

Confined to selling sugary breakfast

 to kids,

Tony is depressed by the sad life that

he lives.

I’ll end it here and I don’t mean to be cynical,

But life is up and down, it isn’t always pinnacle

So stay objective and always stay critical

and see when the marketers are trying to feed you shit of bulls.

Geico, Chuck. E. Cheese, Colonel sanders, and Flo

Maybe if im feeling it, I’ll give this rap another go.

 But to keep you full and the mental hungering down,

Consider that while reading this, Geico Cavemen raped and pillaged the

 bordering town.


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